A few years ago I made a decision to try out social media and open an account. I dove head first into Star Wars Twitter after attempts on Facebook ended with family members attacking me for even discussing it. That should have been the first foreshadowing incident but signs are only observed with open eyes, my eyes were blinded with the thought of interacting with all things Star Wars.
My intent was to expound on all that is good in Star Wars and maybe through my love, turn some of the cold hearts warm. This came at a time in my life when I had just lost my mother to cancer and gone through a miscarriage and a dissolution of siblings. Everything hurt and the one light I had to pull me out was Obi Wan Kenobi physically reeling from the loss of a million lives on Alderaan and me relating to that level of pain. My heart had something to relate to- loss. I began to dig into the content for more and truly fell in love with Star Wars Rebels and The Clone Wars.
After The Force Awakens awoke the online trolls, I sat on the sidelines seeing something I love being torn and shredded, I wanted to help and felt some strength in me again to do that. My nature is to protect what I love, so with a big gulp I made an account and entered the fray knowing full well that this would be a battle with trolls. What I didn’t know was that there would be many claiming virtue under false flags including people that I thought were my friends, that still to this day claim to be the positive forces in the Star Wars fandom, yet that is not what I discovered. What unraveled last year changed everything in my life, I saw people for what they are and not what they proclaim.
I went into Twitter at first skeptical of everyone and it was steamrolling me into discontent. That was my first mistake. My bullshit meter was ringing off the charts and what I did was not listen to that internal voice. It was more than that, I deep down wanted to interact and needed that validation. I, too, wanted to be liked, to be included. If you are always wary of someone, the communication won’t progress so you have a choice to make. I chose to quiet that voice that was warning me, and this was my mistake.
It was not all bad! There was a time where I gleefully joked with mutuals and felt like I had made friends. Years had passed with my profile gaining followers, friends, and a few enemies. I did not enter the fray and directly attack Star Wars trolls. What ended up happening is that I supported the love for the franchise but also calling out the franchise when needed. I did not have a blind love for everything Star Wars and when issues regarding representation arose, or inconsistencies within story arose, I would point them out as well. This was also another mistake I made and one in which led to me leaving all fan discourse. However, what did truly lead up to my leaving will leave permanent emotional scars but I have hope which is why I share this. It’s a way to process, to help, and to inform.
A close friend asked me to join her podcast and I joined her thinking this might be a fun experience, a way to share my heart. She and another mutual had entered a very tumultuous relationship that I had become a therapist for her and her ex, and I felt bad that she had lost her partner so I stepped up. I didn’t want to see her hurting and disempowered. However, throughout the entire time I cohosted on the show, I was drowned out in discussions and spoken over and I never felt respected in this space. It was an utter headache and I let my former cohost know many times that I wanted to leave the podcast but she asked that I stay because no one else would record. THIS, this right here is where I made another mistake and I want to highlight my mistake. I knew I should leave and I did not. I spoke about this with former mutuals and ex-boyfriends over the years I podcasted. My gut, my instinct, said this is not the place and this is not the friendship. Yet I continued in a situation that I was unhappy in and knew that this was unhealthy, but my fear and insecurities held me in my place and I own that.
Unfortunately I let my guard down because I was lonely and obviously struggling with self love because I sought that validation outside of myself and gave those people the power, which is horribly destructive but when you lose so much you become destructive especially without any anchors in your life like parents and close family and also having been through divorce. So while I was struggling to leave this podcast and actually debating leaving Twitter, which was a discussion I was having with my therapist in private, a mutual within the Star Wars fandom had hit me up many times for sexual conversations and pictures and he began a conversation with me one fateful evening last year.
I had made it clear what I was looking for with this man previously, and I also stated the exact same thing with all of my followers when I shared my relationship experiences. He had asked so many times to be sexual with him, and I had said no, and I made it crystal clear with all of my posts, that I am not an object to be used. I am looking for a loving relationship. One night I posted something with a sexual undertone and he messaged me. I was hesitant and not into the conversation because I did not know where it was leading, but when I realized with horror what had happened, he used me to get off, I called him out for his disgusting behavior, but it could not shake the feeling of being used and harassed repeatedly by this man.
As I said previously, I had made some friends and was very open about myself and sharing my life with my followers. I believe in transparency so I was freely shared about me, part of me is being a very sexual woman post-divorce. Dating was a topic I opened up with my followers and the horrors of it. After years of nothing but absolutely appalling treatment, I was fed up and firmly expressed my disgust with the current dating environment. That’s what these sexual predators do. They wear you down until you do it and then discard you. What my followers do not understand is that I dated A LOT. There were times I would date three men in a day so I know dating and interactions better than most and I know how to engage and not engage in a sexual conversation and asking for intent. NEVER had a man done that to me in the dating world of Tinder or any other dating app that I have joined. Men in the dating world have ALWAYS made it perfectly clear to me what they are looking for before engaging in anything so this entire situation hurt me to my core and still does. If the men I had interacted with in real life had done anything close to this, trust me, I would have shared it.
When I brought it to Twitter and informed people of what had happened, that this man sexually harassed me and used me to get off, I knew the outcome would be bad, but I had no idea how bad it would get. It’s been a year and I still shake when I think about last spring and how broken down and torn up my entire soul was, it was so painful because such a large swath of people showed me who they were and lied.
These people espouse so beautifully and passionately their woke beliefs. They will tell you wholeheartedly that they fight for the little man, the underdog. They believe in equality and representation. Well, the actions that follow would not be considered anything positive or helpful to a woman who was sexually harassed and calling out manipulative and predatory behavior and harassment.
Slut shaming and labeling me the scorned woman who is hell bent on destroying this man was the option Jaxxon and his friends chose. Slut shamed by men (and a few women) who were my friends. People I had stuck up for when they were attacked by the Fandom Menace or random trolls were at the forefront labeling me as a vindictive bitch. The very same people to have women’s rights in their headers were the very same people to call me a slut and blame me for this situation. All of these mutuals had seen me post many times about my dating boundaries, what I want in a relationship, and the disrespect I have met post-divorce and even commiserated with me. When I saw their response, their complete 180 degree shift, I realized that this world I had put so much love into did not feel the same way.
The man known as Jaxxon the Leppi (Jason) then decided to publish the sext in a power point and send it to people to prove his innocence, including children, and when I was made aware, I asked him to stop but then he published the link on his profile for everyone to read. This was accessible to all of his followers and anyone on Twitter. Even after he left Twitter, Jason left the sext up for over a month, but I will get to that in further detail. Again, a reminder this is the “positive” side of Star Wars where every podcast/YouTube creator and person touts their allegiance to the woke side profusely, and that includes the perpetrator and his friends.
He said his power point was not edited, but he did remove large chunks of his conversation with me to paint me as a sexual aggressor in the sexual exchange. It is visible in the screenshots he took, you can see where he left out the conversation and my lawyer pointed this fact out to him. I had never once reached out to Jaxxon/Jason in a sexual manner, but this man had done this many times, I’d say up to once a month with me, and I would either ignore or point to the sign “I am looking for something committed.” He lured me into something I would not have done if he had been honest with me. At the end of the exchange with him, I realized he used me to get off. Now, I would not be mad if I had agreed to that, but I did not. This man used me without my consent. He wore me down, and used me. Not surprising, that I did find out that he had done this to other women which is why I called out his behavior. I knew that I was not the only women he had done this to and I did not want anymore women to be used by someone they considered a friend.
Seeing mutuals choose his side and call me a slut, you might as well have cleaved an axe through my heart because it accomplished the same result. These are people I had supported, laughed with, cried, and had each other’s backs, but no. We fought the bad guys in Twitter but right at that moment, it was unclear who the bad guys were. Masks began to fall off.
Sadly what follows is betrayal that when I think about it, it catches my breath because the pain of it is so sharp. I have to pause when I think about what follows because it truly has shaped my outlook on humanity as a whole, on trust, on truth, on authenticity and transparency, and on integrity. What follows has left me with the knowledge that few people can outright exclaim and own who they truly are. Friends will leave you if the threat of their “brand” or source of validation is at all threatened. YOU will be discarded because you threaten their validation. All of a sudden, the woke lose the steam and transform into something comparable with the Fandom Menace and trolls, or maybe even worse because at least Fandom Menace owns the monster they are, these people extol to such a degree the rights of demeaned but when or if that threatens their likes and followers, they begin a dance that only the damned do to justify their blatant and hurtful hypocrisy.
Again, I would take no issue if those people did not claim to be fighting for women, POC, or LGBTQ+ issues because they blare the horn so loudly for them, but when their friend sexually harassed me, they slut shamed me just like the Fandom Menace harasses people and continued the harassment after Jaxxon had left. Even after their friend Jaxxon posted a private conversation without my permission, these people continued to tear me down. They know I am a single mom, Latina, but they even attacked that and questioned my ethnic background. Men who supposedly carry a banner for the marginalized but openly attacking me, questioning my ethnic makeup, slut shaming me, because I blocked them.
Weirdly enough I have to address blocking. How is someone triggered by being blocked, you ask? THIS is what triggered people because when I was met with this reaction from fellow “progressive/liberal” mutuals, I let everyone know if anyone follows Jaxxon the Leppi, I am blocking and this is for my protection. It didn’t stop men from reaching out to me for being blocked even though I expressed this boundary very clearly. Now some people got caught up in this block chain that worked for LFL, some were very “well regarded” people in the Star Wars community, but to me, if you could still follow someone who did something this disgusting, I did not want you in my space.
I could never imagine that this would trigger such contempt as I was TRYING TO PROTECT MYSELF. For goodness sake, a sext had been shared without my permission and left up in revenge porn fashion. I could have sued and won without a question, but when legal explained the toll of the process, I chose to walk away and address the matter at hand which was to get the sext down. This block enraged these people because in their minds, they do no wrong. I saw the responses of specific accounts I had blocked and the claims they were making about me were outrageous. It was comical to me for how extreme they took the block and what they said to drag me when I deleted my account. One man lied and said he had me blocked way before, but I had blocked him for following the Fandom Menace and he went on a parade after I left to exclaim his virtuous blocking of me, which he had never done!
When the dust settled and the perpetrator left, there was a handful of forced apologies from a few podcasts that were friends with the man who posted the sext and left it up for a month, but I called those out for exactly what they were. If these men who dragged me wanted to apologize to me, they would have done so privately and not for the show, but they did not. They did not even have the dignity to use my name and apologize directly.
Almost two months had passed after Jaxxon/Jason posted the sexual exchange and I was in the process of acquiring a lawyer to get it down, and my lawyer advised me to stay off social media until it was done. I did just that, but I watched. The tension in the fandom was extreme.
After I took a break and focused on finding legal representation, I began receiving text messages from unknown numbers trying to begin sexual dialogues. I knew it was these same men from Twitter and I showed them to friends and my lawyer, who all agreed that these men were trying to trap me into another sexual exchange which truly scared me. How did they get my number? What were they trying to achieve and why? I am already hurting and yet these men are trying to continue the hurt to somehow justify their actions and now they are harassing me on my cell phone so nothing is safe. At that point I was not making any noise and they were still attacking.
My lawyer got a hold of Jaxxon/Jason after several attempts that he ignored. He finally responded when my lawyer clarified that he is responsible for the vindictive actions of leaving the power point of the sexual exchange up for over a month. That he did NOT disclose the complete dialogue like he said he did so Jaxxon/Jason was acting in bad faith from the beginning. He had one objective- to paint me in the worst picture possible. He deleted the google link that day and that was my hard earned victory. For three months, this had taken a toll on me, not eating, not sleeping, and not feeling safe to even go outside.
Yet Jaxxon/Jason was not done with his toxicity. He wanted to buy me. He asked my lawyer to be the intermediary and ask me if he could pay part of my legal bills, and if I agreed, I would cosign that this was all a misunderstanding and everything is okay. This man had also reached out to a mutual of mine, a very close mutual, and offered to pay to several women’s groups in my name in order to clear his name. I did not accept his money. I want nothing to do with him and his money. I did ask him to sign a No Contact Order which he refused. This would have been mutually beneficial to both parties so we can no longer communicate and his friends could no longer communicate but he refused all while his former friends were harassing my friends on Twitter. This was my way of protecting myself and my friends but Jason would not participate. I paid for my own legal fees which were in the thousands.
After a little time, I dipped my toe back into Twitter because I had fought for my space so I was going back and I was going to defend my little space. The welcome back was icy, and well, it was not met with love, which I found interesting. Again, these people are supposedly the activists for the little man but it was not feeling like that at all.
These were all indicators, these were all things I saw, I made note, and knew something was amiss but I did not know to what extent. The math was not mathing. But I want to interject very quickly as an aside. THIS is a lesson for every person to follow your gut. My gut was screaming at me that all of this was suspicious and to exit out of here. My intuition had told me to just leave before everything began. My intuition correctly identified every disingenuous person, including the ones I thought were my closest. If you doubt someone’s feelings for you, you already know the answer. This applies so much to the podcast I contributed to because I was conflicted in remaining and knew that my cohost only wanted me as a cohost because she needed a cohost. I was a seat filler for her and nothing more. She even reached out to the men who harassed me, agreed with them, and discussed me like I was a child begging her for attention. She accused me of demanding her time, something I would never do to anyone. I knew how she felt about me during all of this which is why I told her it hurt me, how she was treating me, and this was her response. This person was my closest friend and she did not even call me, she only attacked.
The worst part of it was when my former cohost turned my own personal pain on me and accused me of cutting people off after I had deleted my account. She never gave context to this very hurtful experience of ending a relationship with a good friend and my aunt. Instead, on Twitter, she weaponized my pain and used these moments I had shared with her against me without explanation. This is something I don’t think I can ever forgive. After a man had sexually harassed me, his friends harassed mine to isolate me, my friend came at me like this. It has taken me a long time to be able to write this without crying, but this day is here and why I am sharing. When your gut tells you to cut ties, do so without hesitation because you could be in this place of pain.
But this is why this is a cautionary tale.
The periphery of the Jaxxon’s friend group went after my friends on a targeted campaign to harass them into not interacting with me. Several podcasters/YouTube creators and individuals spammed friends of mine with sexually explicit replies, they’d retweet all of their tweets, and reply in passive aggressive undertones to their tweets. The issue was that it would not stop and continued for weeks, and it was obvious the goal was to isolate me and harass my friends. I discussed this with my therapist, my lawyer, and friends, and they all agreed that these were the actions and the goal intended.
I reached out to the friends that were specifically targeted and some knew and some did not because they had these people muted already, but I informed them that I would call out the harassment if it continued and it did. I felt very protective of this group of people, because, not coincidentally, these were the same people that had been my biggest supporters against Jaxxon. None of these people told me that they were not okay with me calling out this targeted harassment, but they changed their tune and essentially stabbed me in my back. The very same people who had been loudest in my corner now were attacking me.
The people I was trying to defend also proclaim to fight for the marginalized, so when I attempted to stick up for them, what I was met with, I could not have predicted ever. These people outright lied. That is betrayal on all levels. Not only are they betraying me as a friend, but they were lying about who they are. I had reached out to them, I had screenshots, I had spoken with my lawyer, I had spoken with my therapist, I had proof and the extenuating circumstances surrounding it to provide the support and context. Legally speaking, this is what harassers do to not get caught, they harass around the victim so they are isolated, it’s an extreme tactic but one that many doxxing groups use to keep their hands clean. This is why I fought so hard to get the No Contact Order and I knew why Jaxxon/Jason refused to sign it, so the harassment could continue.
The only thing I could do was to leave because no one could be trusted, and they proved that. My heart, my soul, my integrity are all I have and value, and I will protect them. If that means leaving something I loved and cared for, I would. So I did, and I saved myself.
I call out bad behavior when I see it as should be done when you want to keep the community safe for everyone, but it does not seem like the people who support this idea actually enact these principles or they do so when it suits their needs. I have always spoken up for the little guy and defended them and I always will, if you are on the opposing side of that then all you can do is own your actions whatever they may be because I will own mine but you have to know the story before you speak to it. My Twitter history would support everything I have said. It was on display for anyone to see, never did I harass but lend a hand or shoulder. If you were hurting, I wanted to help and my actions prove that.
.
The reason I left Twitter was to save myself and the remnants of my heart before any more damage could occur, not because I felt like I was losing a battle. It became clear that this was a battle I should no longer fight. Why fight for something that was not worth saving? What hurt is realizing it was not worth saving, that all of those people, mutuals, friends, they were truly not what they said they were, but I began to see them for what they really are. In a time that I was reeling, I stuck my neck out for friends who then attacked me. It was not even a question to defend them, they had defended me against the friends of the sexual harasser.
I did speak with the friends who were harassed and one was very clear why they were so upset with me- because I told the bullies that they were upset and empowered the bullies in this man’s mind. He never disagreed with me about the harassment and I want that to be understood. The way he was livid with me was because I gave the harassers ammunition. I explained that this could end if we ask this man and his friends to stop, but the people who I had put my neck out for wanted me gone. One woman had told me about her follower loss and how it affected her after not associating with these harassers fundraiser these podcasts/YouTube creators put together shortly after I took my break from Twitter. Their follower count was clearly more important than me. It shattered my heart.
After leaving Twitter I locked down because everything hurt. People who I talked with on a daily basis were gone and said nothing in my defense. The air around me hurt, that is how much I was in pain and I curled up into a ball for a long while until I saw something between the people I had defended and the people I had accused of harassment. The former friends were now outrightly accusing these very same people of harassment. It truly shifted things for me. One former mutual/YouTube creator had called me crazy and said I needed help when I accused these men of harassment. He also had flirted with me and shown me interest previously and just so casually attacked me when his friends whistled for him, but when I saw these tables turn and the same people were called out again for harassment, I knew deep in my heart that what I had seen and felt was true and I was not those things this former mutual called me to demean me. These people had been gaslighting me for their own agenda.
Another podcaster, “positive Star Wars” podcast/YouTube of course, congratulated the man I had called out for “ending me”, their words not mine. These men were once mutuals and some were friends and this is what they said after knowing everything I had been through. They truly wanted to see me hurt. The man who I accused of harassing even touted how he ended my career. Well, I never made money off of Star Wars but I am pretty sure his podcast and YouTube does. I’ve since also been accused of organizing a hate campaign through an account the main harasser created specifically to attack himself, but many people knew that this person was running their own hate campaign and clarified who was behind his account.
Discourse has changed and shifted since I was first on Twitter. We actually had fun. Now if the wrong opinion is presented, the gatekeepers attack, but it is the same positive podcasters/YouTube grifters and individuals who were involved in my harassment that attack and it does not surprise me at all. You cannot critique anything because they attempt to delegitimize you as being labeled “media illiterate.” What I have realized is that these people want a war and are not happy without one. They will fight each other, and when they cannot fight each other, they will then take jabs at the Fandom Menace or another toxic Star Wars group. Now one might think this is helpful in addressing and calling out toxic takes, but why call out a bad opinion from someone who just wants to dislike something? It is only to drum up engagement, get likes, get followers, and exclaim they are the champion of positivity? Are these actions positive? Is any of this?
Maybe, “Not fighting what we hate, but saving what we love,” is a lost concept on an entire fandom. It is.
The lessons I take away from this are numerous and the reason I share this is for women to listen to their intuition and to protect themselves, help other women through sharing your experience. It has taken me a year to get to this place of healing and strength, honestly, I could never imagine I would be this grounded and empowered because the depth of my wound, but I focused on all things restorative and that has strengthened my soul. I truly hope and pray for the best for these people and hope for their change. May they do better with their lives and admit their actions. I have said my piece, and that is all I wanted.