It is an unexpected but welcome rain. This rain matches the sadness that I have been holding in for days. It’s like Nature knew that today was the day to emote and deal with this sorrow.
Thank you, Nature. You let me feel what I need to unapologetically and just be. I need to feel my grief and sadness for humanity and for our planet that we are destroying. We are destroying it all. Nature gives me the space to openly express my thoughts and emotions without judgement and offers unceasing comfort and love even amidst its own destruction. How can I ever repay Nature for this love? This love and comfort I sought in humans but have only ever found in nature.
This is a day to cry. I have had some challenging days this week that have chipped at my faith in humanity. I go to nature who reminds me that it is my humanity that matters, not anyone else’s. Independent of every person, if I am in nature I can be the humanity that I envision and let my love go forth. Nature and I mourn together the ever reshaping circle of those I can trust and respect. We honor together the amazing people who do love and have always held my respect and we love them more together. I want nature to know the beautiful souls that exist. These people keep my heart ablaze. Thinking of all the beautiful souls lost who have been killed, these are the greatest sorrows we will know.
I cry for Palestine. I cry for Sudan. I cry for the Congo. I cry for West Papua. I cry for Armenians. I cry for the Uyghurs. I cry for the Rohingyas.
Why do people seek to control? Why not set people free? Why not love instead of fear? My tears for the victims of those who have no heart and act out of hate and not love. Those who act out of hate have the saddest life of all not ever knowing what it is to love and be gentle to your soul and the souls you disregard. They will never know true love. They are forever imprisoned in their cell that they fashioned and hope to expand their prison to everyone in their life. It is sad to see many people choose hate. It hurts my soul to see so many give into hate.
I shed tears that my heart is weighted down at having to redraw the circle encompassing those I trust and respect. Making my circle smaller based on the actions of others and realizing I had been enchanted with words, it hurts especially when I have such great hopes built on their magnetic words. This is the idealist in me. When people don’t live up to their words it is hard on me. It is for a lot of people to live up to the person they proclaim. For instance, a person might be a massive supporter of Palestine but then you realize they are a misogynist. I see people who make excuses for bad people or actions based on both religion and race. Each side calling the other out but neither side seeing how each acts hypocritically. Because both has made allowances for bad actors and bad actions, but then calls the opposing side bad, it destroys both sides’ legitimacy and weight. This is from the idealist in me. For authenticity, you need truth and justice to be respected and protected. All groups must come to terms with this. This practice can be blanketed across every type of group imaginable whether it be religious, political, racial, ethnic, or cultural. Allowing for a bad actor to be a member of the group strips the group of authenticity, but it seems like so many groups allow the bad actors, because, just like the bad actor, the group wants numbers and validation. Often times that bad actor is a person who has money or influence, but because they are a bad actor that also magnifies the reach of their awfulness. I hesitate in aligning myself with anything because of this and learning crushing truths about groups or people I had give my heart to. Leaving the Catholic church would be an example. I want to embody the things that direct my soul and call to my soul, but too many groups muddy their waters to gain importance which in turn destroys their essence. This is why I go to nature to rebalance and listen to my heart without any influence. You don’t need a group, you just need to listen to your soul and connect with yourself in peace. Right is right, in every heart the truth of what is right is plainly written, it is for us to be brave and act on what is right as an individual without the validation from others.
If you find something that is meaningful and honorable, cherish that group and those people. There are a few things that I hope to always support, but if they stray from the truth and protecting justice, then I will let them go with a heavy heart. Time hardens people. It is so rare for someone to maintain a true heart and those that do are the most precious souls to walk the earth.
In my pain I go to nature but what is the worst part is that when I go to nature, I see how much nature is hurting and it kills me. I want to help more, I know how dire it is. This world is dying and we are destroying it more and more by the second. The hate is destroying all that is good. To see what I love with my entire heart hurting to this degree, and knowing this is just the beginning of the end of nature as we know it, has been one of the hardest things I have had to come to terms with. Then I break down thinking how nature still comforts me while she is dying at the hands of humans, it breaks my soul knowing the most compassionate and loving energy comes from nature and not humanity. Nature is all that is good on this planet. With every bit of my energy I will do anything to protect her.
It is raining today. There is no green on the hillsides yet. With this rain, a few bushes are beginning to green and a handful of blooms have blossomed. Nature’s resilience and endurance is awe inspiring. She is the story of hope.
Seeing nature start to heal, I cry in gratitude knowing she has had some relief.
Thank you, Nature, in sharing our tears together.
From the river to the sea, may Palestine be free. May the whole world be free.
BE UNGOVERNABLE. Boycott. Vote 3rd party. Protest. Volunteer. Donate. Contact your elected officials. Share the stories from Palestine. Share the history of Palestine. Share the news from Palestine. Please extend the same energy and effort to other places in the world that are experiencing atrocities and genocide: Sudan, the Congo, West Papua, Armenia, and Uyghurs.