If you’re lonely when you are alone, you’re in bad company. -John Paul Sartre
Sartre was right.
I’ve been wanting to write about this topic for a while because loneliness has been discussed and debated heavily over the last few months. This has been an issue that predominantly men have been using as a way to play victim. Today, I watched a video of a woman who also utilized loneliness as a means to play victim, and she, like the many men who have voiced their issues with loneliness, are laying blame on women. The reality is that these people do not want to look within at the root cause of their loneliness, which is themselves.
No one is entitled to our time or our energy. A friendship is built on shared interests, chemistry, and reciprocation. It is okay if a friendship is not created, but many people lament over the potential. What they must understand is that good friendships are rare and something to be cherished. A solid, lasting friendship is hard to achieve, but when you have a few people you can trust explicitly, those are the relationships you want to nurture and protect.
Shows and movies often portray friendships as a simple exchange, but it is not. Good friendships take work from both sides. They take time to develop. It takes time to develop trust, and that is a good thing.
If you are lonely, you have to work on YOUR happiness. That is your soul telling you that you are unhappy. It is not fair to put the blame on everyone around you.
Also, there can be great fun in exchanges with strangers. Many memories that I look back on with the greatest affection and appreciation, are with strangers. There is something truly beautiful in having a grand time with someone you meet on a whim, and not needing anything more than sharing a beautiful moment with another human being. I’ve learned so much from these amazing people. They have shared their hearts and souls and I will never forget our exchanges.
No one can make you happy but you. To expect friendships or love to make you happy, those are unfair expectations to put on other people.
If you are lonely, you need to be alone and heal from whatever pain is driving this sadness. It is a sadness that only you can address. This takes time. The absolute beauty of this depth of healing is that you find yourself. You find your happiness. Your happiness is not tied to anyone, or anything, but you.
You be the happiness and love you want to see in the world. Show the world the contents of your heart and share it. The right people will be attracted to this love. The key is being absolutely honest about who you are so you can find the people that match your energy, love, and interests.
BE YOU. Show this world your heart, but in order to do that, you need time to heal. As much as a person who is lonely does not want to hear this, they have to be alone in order to heal. No one is going to make the pain go away, but yourself.
Don’t seek validation from others. Don’t seek happiness from others. Happiness and validation can only be found within. The world will change for you when you aren’t seeking those things from other people.
There is a lot to be said of therapy and finding a therapist that works well with you. Be honest in your therapy and don’t hide issues. Focus on healing your sadness. What I found with my own sadness and grief was that I had to verbalize it a lot in order to process, and I did this with my therapist and not friends. It’s not the job of a friend or lover to process your pain, that is your job.
Find activities you love to do alone. Listen to your heart and soul and what makes them both sing.
Spend time in nature in whatever way suits you if it is just sitting outside under a tree or something more immersive.
Joy will find you. Let yourself heal. Enjoy your time in solitude and the right people will find you, I promise.