I woke up sad and hurting this morning. Seeing so many suffering, dying, begging for their lives, and leaders remaining inactive that have the power, it’s overwhelming. Most people shove the sadness down, but that is unhealthy to do for many reasons. To heal from our pain, it takes introspective processing and also sharing this pain with your loved ones, not to make them sad or hurt, but to let them know that you are emotionally vulnerable and need to process.
My kids came back home this morning and I let them know how I was feeling. When I am not feeling okay, if my emotions are off, I verbalize my status to my children. Sometimes I know the root of the issue, but a lot of times it’s the natural ebb and flow of emotions. I need space and time to process what I am feeling. I think a lot of people need both space and time but don’t know how to put it into action, or take the burden of continuing interactions with others when they actually need time. What happens if a person does not take time to feel and heal often results in underlying resentment for the people that are taking that time and energy away from them. In the worst case scenario, a hurt person snaps at others. They didn’t take time for introspection and lash out because their hurt has no other place to go. The same can be said for hate.
It’s okay if you are upset. It’s okay if your are mad. It’s okay if you are angry. It’s okay if you are sad.
When we put on a mask to make those around us happy while we are shoving our emotions down, that introduces underlying resentment. Not only that, but we are not being true to who and what we are at that moment.
If you cannot smile, don’t smile. Smile when it comes from your heart. Don’t smile to please others. Don’t repress your emotions to please others. For me, I lean into love when I hurt the most and try the hardest to show kindness because I don’t want my pain or hurt to be misconstrued. You don’t have to smile to show kindness or love, you have to be gentle and open.
But don’t take your hurt or pain out on other people. It is your pain and your hurt, not theirs. This is why it important to share how you are feeling.
It’s funny how things have changed now that I am vocal about my emotions with the people I interact with. When I share that I am having a difficult time, they share with me how they are feeling and we empathize together. What happens in this sharing is healing. They see my pain and share their pain. This is the beautiful side of humanity. Only good has come from sharing my emotions, and for that, I am eternally grateful to all the people I have shared my heart with.
When we are open with our hurt, it allows other people to be open. They know a stranger cares for them and their pain, and that often has greater weight than a close friend because a stranger does not need to care, but they do. I’m not downplaying the role of family or friends, but for me, the amazing conversations I have had with strangers stay with me forever and I cherish them greatly. They offer such a unique perspective and it translates to something of immense empathy because they didn’t even have to give you their time or energy, but they did. Friends and family offer something different and special than strangers. They offer safety, consistency, trust, and respect. Knowing you can go to a friend or family member and explain your emotions without judgement is a form of love that should also be cherished.
How does this reduce hate in this world?
Hate comes from pain that is not addressed internally and seeps out in actions, words, and thoughts. If we all spent time verbalizing our emotions with the people around us, we can start the healing process as a community. Knowing that someone cares for you, how you are doing, and wants you to feel better, are all things that matter to everyone. We want to know that people care. People do care.
If you are hurting right now, I am sorry. I hope that you are in a safe place where you have the time and ability to process your pain, sorrow, anger, or hurt. Let the people around you know how you are feeling and then give yourself ample time to process the origin of the emotion.
Now, one thing to be very clear, no one is going to fix anything for you but you. YOU have to process your emotions. Someone empathizing over your pain will not fix that. YOU have to do the work to process your emotions. A person that takes the time to empathize with you is the first step for you to acknowledge the pain that you’re experiencing, but from there, healing is in your hands and no one else’s. It is a way to open the door for shared experiences, lessons, trust, and compassion.
The other reason it is important to verbalize emotions is to manage your hurt and pain so that it does not turn into hate or other toxic emotions. When we are short with someone, it is often not because of their actions, but because of the underlying pain that we are repressing. Let them know your emotional status so they can give you that space you need to process. A person that gives you space is also showing empathy and compassion.
Our emotions are gifts. They shouldn’t be stifled or repressed, but felt, even the hard ones. It’s when we repress and stifle the emotions that they turn into hate.
I am praying for healing for everyone that is hurting. Your pain matters to me.
From the river to the sea, my the whole world be free.